The night was dark, so dark as to obscure all vision and sense in the surrounding city. In the bitter cold and darkness not a person could be seen. A dense layer of fog blanketed the Faircrest Heights area. It was at this time that we food reviewers heard a voice try and reach out. As if muffled by the surrounding mist, the voice was vague and almost silent.
“Hello? Hello? Is anyone there? I am weary.”
Running towards the voice we found that it was not any interesting creature, but rather the scared and lost frame of our colleague Terrence Scannell. We decided that he could join us on the review because he wouldn’t go away. In the deep night, we found ourselves frail and cold, desperately seeking some sort of sweet treat. Not a single place of commerce would welcome us in their doors. It was at this time that we found a place only known to us as the Churro Stand on 18th and La Cienega.
We chose to buy a strawberry yogurt parfait for five bucks as well as seven big ass churros for another five bucks. Scannell sure had a lot to say about it, talking about how he wouldn’t eat any food while all the while staring at the churros and yogurt with jealousy, cruelty, and clearly disgusting intentions. It is worth mentioning the price here, which we thought was more than generous. Seven churros for only five dollars is a dream come true. Terrence was apparently confused by such a generous price, and repeated to the shop owner with some level of pity no less than four times that five dollars should only get us two churros and three at most.
After we pummeled him adequately, eight or nine blows apiece, we decided upon a stroll throughout the neighborhood, devouring churros as Rick Ross might after a full night’s rest.
Normally, we take our talents to established restaurants, or locations to order full meals and entrees. This month, we only have one recommendation, from the heart, for our dear readers. This place will fit only a certain niche, it fulfills only one purpose: to bring you delicious churros for a delicious price. They are made to order, fresh from a large conical vat of oil. The authenticity and freshness of the fried treats brought tears to our eyes. Their smooth crunch and warm nature in the cold of the night provides an orgasmic feeling. Terrence, apparently jealous of our fame in print, had a surprising amount to spout about the churros. After calling them tasty and sweet ad nauseam, while glancing nervously at us we had to sit him down and tell him point blank that he would never be a food critic with any takes like that, and he simply lacks the artistic soul to write for LACES about food. Between tears he ate another churro.
We would not recommend the strawberry parfait. To buy this, were we a victim of our own naivety, or had we truly been fooled? The vendors seldom spoke or advertised their product, it was up to us to interpret what they offered. Not because it was bad or even because we have had better, but because the goddamned thing looks exactly like a milkshake, cup and all, and when they handed us spoons to eat it we damn near shouted with anger and vitriol. Had it been a milkshake this review would go very differently. Also, five dollars for a strawberry parfait the size of a small milkshake? I mean come on. Any righteous person of dignity might throw it in their faces. Fortunately, the rather disturbingly well-priced churros made up for this embarrassment ten fold.
This stand appears a relatively new addition to the area which we are all too familiar with. Alas, we welcome it with open arms. La Cienega becomes a barren wasteland late at night, with few gastronomic options. The combination of this churro stand and its sister taco stand not far down the street makes the corner of La Cienega and 18th a refuge for weary travelers and students alike. We give Churro Stand a B as in only Buy the churros.
